In a demonstration of sublime grace, I slipped while descending my stairs this past Thursday and broke my ankle. And, of course, I’d left my cell phone upstairs before attempting to turn going downstairs into an Olympic event, so I had to drag myself, arm over arm, back up the stairs to text my daughter to come home and take me to the emergency room. Getting me back downstairs and out to the car was even more fun. That involved me sliding down the stairs on my butt with my injured leg extended out in front of me, and my daughter pushing me out to the car in my office chair. There was some yelping involved.
This is my first experience with a broken bone, and it is both far worse and much easier than I might ever have imagined. The doctor and my insurance company were both kind enough to allow me a boot instead of a cast, so bathing/showering is less an ordeal than it might have been. Additionally, I was smart enough to break the right ankle instead of the left, so driving is forbidden at least until recheck, which has me rather homebound for the next month, except when my daughter is available to give me the Miss Daisy treatment.
I have chosen to look upon this experience positively. Mostly. Here are some of the things I have learned.
- Getting into a bathtub does not guarantee one will easily get back out.
- It is important to remember to bring everything you will need upstairs/downstairs on the first trip. Or to have two of everything … half upstairs and half downstairs.
- Kittens become instantly aware that you cannot get to them quickly enough to keep them out of the Christmas tree. Or off the table.
- Even though it is winter and one is not currently dating anyone, one should always shave one’s legs and paint one’s toenails, since it is possible the person in the ER splinting one’s broken appendage will frequent one’s favorite bars. (Yes, really.)
- Cell phones are the most important things on the face of the earth.
- Daytime television is bleak. Pain drugs do not improve it. For that matter, pain drugs don’t actually do anything for the pain. They just make it so you don’t care about the pain.
So, there you go. Things I might never have known had I not fallen down my stairs and broken my ankle. It appears I’ll have some down time. Maybe I should write a book or something.